365 Days - A Retrospective

Is it amazing to you what can happen in a year? I haven't thought about it too much in the past, but 2007 was a huge year of change. One that brings about a chance to reflect differently than before. It's nice to finally be excited about the coming year. I keep saying that. . . "I'm excited about this year". As if to assume I've never been terribly overcome with anticipation about what the new year will bring. I felt that way last year, but I've come to the conclusion that it was for a specific reason. I thought the new year was going to bring a new life, specifically relating to one person. Not a series of events, or the possibilities of new wonderful things. . . simply a person. Simple.

This year is different. It helps that what I thought was going to happen last year didn't happen, but I think that's the key. I had a specific plan in my head and was let down because it didn't pan out. This time, when I think about what could come to me this year, I'm overcome by a million different possibilities. I feel in control. Like I can MAKE things happen, as opposed to waiting to see . . .

Last year, I fell in love which was followed by heartbreak, I quit my job and went to massage therapy school; which lead to getting job that I absolutely love. As hard as it may be, change can bring about strange things in people. For me, last year, change was exactly what I needed. (Insert all manner of cliches here). Which brings me to my retrospective. I'm excited about this year. I'm curious to see what I can make happen. I'm anxious to look back at my year in December, maybe read this blog entry, and say, "Wow, this year kicked ass . . . finally."

a continuation

I'm surprised I was able to sleep that night, but it took awhile. No tears yet; those come after the shock wears off. My alarm goes off to tell me that it's time to get up and go to class, but I just lay there. I can't get up. I know that if I miss another day of class it sets me back, but again, I just lay there. I tell myself, "just sleep a little longer, at least make it to the second half". All of a sudden it's noon; and then it's 1:00; then it's 2:30; then it's 3:30 . . . that's when I get out of bed.

I send out some text messages to my friends that reads, "Sterling broke up with me last night". As I typed it out, I still couldn't believe the words that I saw. I don't remember too much what happened the rest of the night, but it didn't take too long for me to roll from my couch back to my bed. Then come the tears. Then come the puffy eyes in the morning. My alarm goes off again, telling me it's Tuesday and it's time to go to work. It took about 5 minutes for me to accept the fact that I wasn't going to work today. I got up a little earlier than yesterday, but only because I had wanted to be awake enough to go to my other job.

It took everything I had not to send you a text for that day and a half. We hadn't gone that long without communication in almost 4 months. 4 months of constant emailing, instant messaging, talking. Now nothing. Then it comes. It's about halfway through my shift and my phone vibrates.
"How is your day?" it says.
My face flushed and I thought I was going to throw up - or cry, not sure which one!
"Almost over. How's yours?"
Or something like that.

dashboard confessionals?

You broke up with me one week and 5 days ago today. The weekend started with me picking up Dawn and driving out to Esparza's to meet Mike and some other friends for happy hour. I decided to go out to Euless because I new you were getting off work later and I figured it would be the best way for us to see each other. You met us out, but when you got to the restaurant, you said you were only going to stay for about an hour. I know I shouldn't have assumed you were going to come home with me because we hadn't actually decided on anything. But I didn't really see what the problem was since you didn't have to work on Saturday 'till 3pm. When you decided it was time for you to leave, as we walked out to your car to say good-bye, I could tell something was different. You didn't kiss me the same and there was no "I love you". You said you felt spread thin, stressed out a little. So you left and that was that. (The night went downhill from there, so an upsetting situation was made worse, but that doesn't have anything to do with you).

I don't remember Saturday at this point, but I know I had to work 'till 6 and you went to work at 3. But I do remember that we didn't talk too much and when we did, it didn't feel like you. I spent all day Sunday trying to figure out what I could do to take the pressure of our relationship off your plate; to keep you in my life without letting you go. But I couldn't get you to talk to me. Too many texts, not enough face to face. It was an unsettling feeling that you couldn't spare one small hour to talk things out with your girlfriend that you (now questionably) loved 3 days ago. But I wanted to show I was being supportive, so I let the conversation happen over the phone, only to find out that you had decided what I was trying to avoid. "It's not fair for you to have a boyfriend you can only see once or twice a month". That was that. You made up your mind. It was a Sunday.

I went to bed in disbelief. Did that really just happen?

The Goose is a fatass

Hello all! Today was my last day of work . . . well, it was supposed to be last Friday, but hey, sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to. I'm done with work until Jan. 4th and I don't have class again until Jan. 15th or something like that. So what will I do with all my spare time, you ask? Umm. . . tune in sometime soon! I'm sure there will be oodles of excitement! Or at least a lot of sleeping.

But if you try sometimes. . .

Well, the concert on Monday was pretty cool. Jared looked a little scary with all his eye make-up, but I gotta say, the boy can sing. It's refreshing to know that there are actors who join bands that are better than Keanu and his Dog-band (don't remember the name, Dog-something I think). Oh, speaking of bands and concerts, did I mention I got to go to the Rolling Stones on Tuesday? The concert was awesome, but what is even cooler (well, maybe not cooler, but still pretty badass) is the story of how I procured the ticket. I'd love to tell you now, but I'll be like the "to be continued" episode of your favorite show. . . . although I'm sure I'm not quite as exciting as said show. *sigh*

That is if any of you still exist. I haven't written in so long I may have been forgotten. It happens, you know.

Attack!!

Had enough of the pumpkin butt? Yeah, me too! School is almost over for the semester and I'm happy to say that I think I'm coming out of my first 2 master's classes ever with an "A" in each one. Way to go me!! Feel free to leave congrats as comments. I have one paper and one test left. Raise the roof, my friends, and bottoms up to me, last girl standing!! (Can you tell I'm excited??)

I'm off to Axis in Ft. Worth to see 30 Seconds to Mars, one of my new favorite bands. I'll say hi to Jared Leto for you.
*kisses*

Oh, did I mention I started dating my bartender? he he he

Isn't Halloween supposed to be over?

Many of you probably don't know this, but I'm not exactly a fan of Halloween. Ugh, I know, I've heard it all.

"What do you mean you don't like Halloween?"

"How could you not like Halloween? Candy, costumes and scary stuff - it's great!"

blah blah blah. Here's what I have to say about your Halloween:

I NEED A HAIRCUT

Have you ever heard of stripper hair? Well, apparently that's what I've got. It's long - my ponytail hits mid-back - all one length and starting to get stringy. A friend of mine works with women who are trying to get out of "the business" and she tells me in a tough love kind of way that I look like one of her clients. Nice.

I'm so frikin' tired lately. I've been going to bed around 9:30 (which means it's WAY past my bedtime right now) and when my alarm goes off at 6am, I can barely open my eyes. It must be massage therapy time.

I just found out that my female coworker plays for both teams. That's cool, I don't care which side you're on as long as you know how to play the game. Because you know, that's all it is, is a game.

Speaking of game, I got a little lip-action from a bartender friend of mine. Actually, he isn't a friend so much as he is my bartender. We've been flirting for awhile, and the other night he gave me a smacker, right smack on the mouth, as he bear-hugged me good-bye. To my surprise, he did it again on Monday. The down side to all this? He isn't what I would call "potential" (not to be confused with someone "having potential"). And on top of that, I still don't get free drinks. hm. If I'm not going to date you, or tear your clothes off and at the very least do fun & nasty things to you, don't give me smackers if you aren't going to give me free drinks.

Oh, who am I kidding, I've only had sex once in the last year, he can "smack" me all he wants!

Don't let the pretty face and the absolutely adorable sleeping position fool you. . . she draws blood as she attacks my feet when I walk.